AUGUST 2, 2018
Let's talk about emotional abuse. When I was 14 years old, my parents split. My mother packed up our belongings and moved my two sisters and I away to an apartment about 20 minutes away from our childhood home. This was a very difficult time for everyone. After the divorce, my father was never around. Instead of coming to see his teenage children, he made us feel guilty for "not going to see him". He would always say that in an Iranian family, the children made the effort to visit the parent, not the other way around. Yeah, I was 14 years old. Couldn't even drive a car. My mother also made us feel horrible for actually wanting to see our dad. Basically, I grew up thinking that I had to prove my worth to my father. I had to show him that I was a good daughter because I would take the time to come see him when I could. I would even lie to my mom about it because I didn't want to make her upset. My father emotional and sometimes physically abused my sisters and I. He emotionally and physically abused my mom. He was never around for any major events in my life...no graduations, no birthdays, no weddings, nothing. This led to my fear and intimidation of men in general. It also led to my strong will - not wanting to be controlled by anyone. However, I became very controlled and controlling. My relationships with men throughout my life consisted of me always trying my hardest to show them that I was lovable. It never worked. I was dumped again and again. I dated the wrong kind of men. I married the wrong kind of man. None of the men that I dated, with the exception of one, were respectful of women. When my husband left me, he decided to never speak to me again. Talk about abandonment issues! My father abandoned me. And after my ex left, all of these feelings of abandonment came up again and in an ugly way. I could not control my anger, pain, and sadness. I went into a deep depression. I experienced daily anxiety. I ended up taking medication, which I still use today for fear that I could go back to being that way. I haven't heard from my ex since our divorce on Oct 5, 2016. He would not answer my phone calls, messages, texts, etc. Radio silence is all I heard. This was devastating. I just wanted to talk about what had happened. Talk about why. Talk about something. But he refused. As he always did when we were married. He refused to hear my feelings. He refused to care. He constantly spoke to me in a condescending voice. He picked on me when we were with friends and family. He made me feel small. He didn't let me have a voice. He never told me that I was pretty. He rarely said a nice word to me. For 15 years, it was never "the right time" to talk about anything! So why was I even upset when we split? I wanted to split for so long. But when he decided to actually do it, I could not handle the loss.
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